


In Which Thor Fell Too

by AlexKingOfTheDamned, swimsalot



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Astral Projection, Death References, Established Relationship, Implied Character Death, M/M, Magic, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexKingOfTheDamned/pseuds/AlexKingOfTheDamned, https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimsalot/pseuds/swimsalot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor is sent back in time, and he has the opportunity to follow Loki when he falls into the abyss after releasing his hold on the staff. He takes that chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Thor Fell Too

It’s dizzying, astral projection. Who would have thought? Certainly not Thor.

 

"I could have done it father! For you! For all of us!"  
  
"No Loki."  
  
Loki doesn't respond. He doesn't tense up and shatter like he feels he should. If anything he feels calm. He is relaxed. Those words set him free even as they tear him apart.  
  
_No Loki._  
  
He couldn't have done it. He couldn't have proved himself. Nothing he could have done would have made him as worthy a son as Thor. He should never have hoped he could be more than what he was brought here to be. Just another tool, the crowning jewel of Odin's treasure room. He could never be more. Even destroying their long time enemy wouldn't change the fact that he is less than them.  
  
That makes it easier. He barely even realizes what he's doing until the cool metal of the staff slips away from his fingers and he's falling. His body turns and he sees the shattered bifrost below him, beckoning him as his body drifts downwards. It's so easy, so freeing. He will never see them again and they will not mourn his loss because who mourns a monstrosity?

 

“ _NO!_ ” Thor’s scream is raw as he watches his brother fall. He won’t allow it.

 

 _Not again_.

 

Years of love and lust alike, years of caressing and laughing, of playing and of _I love you’s_. Years of pranking and hiding, of getting in and out of trouble. Years of lost time together, lying under trees and reading aloud to one another. Years of doing nothing in lazy summer afternoons. Years of passion, and of shouts of ecstasy.

 

He is about to lose it all. And he can stop it this time.

 

His body moves quicker than his mind, and he kicks violently. One sharp jerk of his foot and he’s falling as well. He closes his arms, his legs, makes himself like an arrow and shoots down towards his falling brother. His falling lover.

 

He can’t lose him this soon, he can’t let him go. He would rather die in the vacuum of space at Loki’s side than live on forever without him. His cape billows behind him as he falls faster and faster, and just like that, his arms are wrapped around Loki’s waist as they collide in midair.

 

Loki's eyes are closed as he falls. He is about to die, he knows this, and he accepts it, but he does not want to watch it happen. He does not want the last thing he sees to be his own demise. He imagines instead Thor's face, before this had all happened, smiling at him the day before his ruined coronation. His brother-no, not his brother, his lover, his friend- had touched him gently and smiled at him. This is what he wants to remember.  
  
But that memory is cast away and his eyes fly open as a pair of strong, all too familiar arms wrap around him. He is clutched tight against a strong chest and he doesn't need to turn to see who is holding him.  
  
He does anyway, just his head, just enough to be sure.  
  
"What are you doing?!" he screams, fighting Thor's grip. "You'll die you idiot!"

 

“It is too late now!” Thor calls over the rush of the wind past them. He’s scared, so scared, but the press of Loki’s back to his chest calms him a small amount. “If I die, I die with you!”

 

"No!" Loki shouts even though it is too late to stop it. This isn't what he wanted. This isn't what was supposed to happen. Thor was supposed to let him go, to live and be king without Loki as a stain on his name. He wasn't supposed to be here.  
  
But he is and it brings tears to Loki's eyes. He doesn't want Thor to die. Not like this.  
  
They continue to fall, into the void and Loki thinks they are going to die. He thinks this is the end. But when his sight clears he is on some sort of rocky outcropping with the vast heavens wide above him and he is very much alive.

 

And Thor is gone.

 

Panic fills him and he rises unsteadily to his feet. Thor is nowhere close by.

 

“ _Thor!_ ” he screeches, his voice terrified and raw.

 

He earns no reply. He has the vague memory of feeling those arms leave him, but those few seconds were such a horrific blur… did he imagine Thor falling with him?

 

He shuffles curiously to the edge of the outcropping and looks down. It’s a long fall down into what looks like hellfire and brimstone, and a black abyss around that.

 

But what catches his eye is the silver and golden shape of a man lying prone on his belly several feet below. His right arm crooked beneath him and his left arm flung over the edge of the rock he is laid upon. His cape is draped over his body majestically, and his golden hair crowns his peaceful face, his closed eyes. There is a dark circle of blood in his hair, marring its perfect yellow hue.

 

Fear grips his heart as he scrambles down the rocks to the fallen warrior. He shoves and rolls Thor over gently and pulls his head onto his lap, his long pale hands searching his hair line for the injury.

 

Before he can find it, his eyes catch another shine of red. Widely blown pupils stare down and take in the horrific sight of a very sharp rock driven into Thor’s belly, his armor rent apart around its bloody edges.

 

Thor’s eyes closed and his body still, Loki gives a shout of horror and grief. 

 

His hand shakes as he checks for a pulse. He finds one but it is light. He breathes a relieved sigh, thankful that Thor isn't dead, before setting to work. He removes the rock carefully from Thor's body and accesses the damage. He is bleeding severely but that is not such a problem.  His magic can stem the flow of blood but he does not know how to close the wound. It could easily get infected or begin to bleed again.  
  
Another spell summons some water to cleanse the wound and after that he binds it with cloth ripped from his cape. It isn't the medical attention Thor needs but it will do.  
  
"You shouldn't have done that." he whispers, petting Thor's hair to comfort himself and find the injury to his head.

 

He takes a moment to look at his surroundings. They are in a place that no life exists in. There are no creatures, there is no green, there isn’t even ice. It is all rock and hard and angry and hot. Loki can smell sulfur somewhere, and his face is warmed by a dangerously nearby jet of what looks like black lava.

 

They are in a terrible place. Their capes mingling on the rock around them, Thor’s blood spilled across the hard surface. Loki’s fingers find the wound accidentally, and it earns a hiss from the man below him.

 

Electric blue eyes flicker open and Thor gazes hazily upwards. Pain is rocketing through his abdomen, it feels as though someone has run him through with a sword. His eyes take in the blurred outline of Loki, and as his eyes focus, he’s sure he can see tears in the trickster’s eyes.

 

“Are you unhurt?” he asks, Loki’s nimble fingers already tearing another strip from his cloak to tie about his brother’s wounded head.

 

Loki pauses. In his desperation to get to Thor he had not taken the time to consider his own injuries. He feels a minor twinging in his ankle now that he thinks about it and can see that the leg of his pants is badly torn on that side from climbing down the rocks. It is not bad and once he is sure Thor will not die he will attend to it.  
  
"I am well." he says flatly. "You should not think of my wounds when yours are so grievous."  
  
He does not say that he is surprised Thor cares enough to ask or that this is the first time in many years when a battle has ended and Thor has not immediately turned from him. But he supposes that here, without his friends to turn to, Thor has no other option.

 

Thor seizes up as pain rocks him, and his fingers wander down to look for the source of his pain. His fingers are halted immediately by Loki’s entwining with his, and he knows the trickster doesn’t want him fiddling with whatever wound he has.

 

He closes his fingers around Loki’s and closes his eyes as well, tiredness and heaviness filling his body.

 

Loki looks down at their clasped hands and represses the urge to pull away. He needs to keep Thor from disturbing his injuries and if that means holding his hand he will. It certainly is not because he misses the feel of those large hands holding his or of the warmer skin against his own.  
  
"There is no reason for you to be this hurt." he says. "I was the one who was meant to fall, not you."

 

Thor shakes his head slowly in Loki’s lap, his lips parted and his brow furrowed and smeared with blood and dirt. “I couldn’t let you go,” he whispers, taking shallow breaths. If he breathes too deeply, it makes his wound ache.

 

"You let me go before." Loki says. His voice is cold as he remembers all the times Thor walked away from him, all the times he left him in favor of more worthy company. "In fact you've been very active in leaving me behind in the past."

 

Thor shakes his head tiredly again, his eyes still closed. “Nh… not now. I couldn’t… let you die alone.” Tears are cutting lines into the blood and dirt down his face, and his fingers close more tightly around Loki’s, as he thinks how close he was to losing him. How close history was to repeating.

 

His mind swirls and he wonders briefly what his father must be thinking back on the bridge, after watching both of his sons tumble into oblivion. His chest tightens and his face scrunches as he forces his eyes open and looks up.

 

His free hand he lifts and though it is smeared with dirt, he caresses Loki’s face. “I would only regret it for all of my life if I let you go this time.”

 

Loki pulls away so Thor is no longer touching his face but does not release his hand. "You're injured and delirious. You don't know what you're saying."

 

“I am not delirious.” Thor blinks slowly, and the pain in his gut is starting to fade to a dull ache. “I am perfectly aware of what I am saying.” He pauses for a moment and looks to the side. “Where are we?”

 

"I don't know." Loki says gruffly, almost bitterly. He has no idea where they might be. He does not recognize it from any of the many books he's read or the conversations he and Heimdall used to have before the gatekeeper begun to grow suspicious of his intentions. It is not Asgard or Midgard or Jotunheim. It is a wasteland. "It's not any of the known realms. We may be in-between them, in the place the bifrost passes through."

 

“Wherever we are, Heimdall will be able to see us,” Thor groans, releasing Loki’s hand and trying to pull himself into a sitting position so he can look at their surroundings. He bats away Loki’s feeble attempts to keep him lying down. “And Father will have him looking for us.”

 

" _Your_ father will be looking for _you_." Loki says and this time there is no denying the bitterness in his voice. He has not forgotten the betrayal he felt when he learned what Odin has done and looking at Thor now only makes it worse. He just another extension of the lie that Odin told him.

 

Thor pauses in his attempt to stand and feigns a questioning stare at Loki. “I beg your pardon?” he says, coming to rest on one knee. He knows this, he’s seen this, heard it all, but Loki doesn’t know that. Not yet. “You may have made a poor decision, but that does not mean Father won’t be looking for you as well.”

 

Loki laughs. "I doubt he will care very much whether I return now that I am no longer useful to him." Then he pauses as realization hits him. Thor is still unaware of the lie. He has not had the truth revealed to him yet. "But you do not know, do you? You poor naïve fool."

 

“I don’t know _what?_ ” Thor asks firmly, he knows, but he’s not fond of being called naïve.

 

"We are not brothers Thor. We never were. Odin lied to us." Loki answers quietly, bracing himself for Thor's reaction.

 

And then suddenly Thor is on his feet and walking.

 

“We have to find a place where we will be safe,” He says, as if he’d elected to ignore what Loki told him entirely. He’s heard it once before, from his own father, but to hear it from Loki… it breaks his heart.

 

Loki gapes at him for a moment. Thor could not have just brushed that away so simply. He could not be taking in stride the fact that their entire lives have been based on a lie. He runs to catch up with the larger man and walks beside him, not believing how stoic Thor is.  
  
"Did you not here me? We are not brothers. Our entire lives have been based on a falsehood. I am not even Asgardian!" he shouts, grabbing Thor's arm to stop him.

 

Thor wrenches his arm from Loki grip and continues to walk. “A cave, perhaps,” he says, “Or even an outcropping to hide under. We need to seek shelter, this is not a secure place to be out in the open, we have no idea what sorts of creatures reside here.”

 

"Do you honestly not care?" Loki shouts, stopping in his tracks. "Does this mean nothing to you? I am a monster and you can't even be bothered to say anything? Are you really so arrogant that everything, even my very existence, means nothing if it does not benefit you? You are no better than Odin!"

 

“ _Stop it!_ ” Thor bellows, turning around, and oh Gods there are tears in his eyes. “I refuse to believe it, it matters not what you say!” 

 

"You can not ignore what is true!" Loki yells and there are answering tears in his eyes and his voice is rough with anger and pain. "I am a Jotun! I have seen it myself, I have seen the monster I truly am! Do not try to pretend it is not real and nothing has changed! I am Laufey's son!"

 

Thinking about it, Thor knows why Loki is so hurt. It’s so clear, after learning that Odin had been tricking them all these years. If that is so, then why was he so enraged at all of Loki’s tricks? He doesn’t understand Odin’s reasoning, what would be the purpose of taking a Jotunheim infant and claiming it as his own? Surely Odin must have wanted the babe to live in a better place, where he would be raised among people who cared about him, rather than Frost Giants.

 

Loki is his brother, has always been. It matters not where he comes from.

 

He walks forward and cups his hands to either side of Loki’s face, looking him directly in the eye. “You are not a monster.” He says, shaking Loki ever so slightly. “ _Nothing_ changes, nothing will ever change. You are my brother, you are my beloved. You could be born of bilgesnipe, of Midgardians or of _bran muffins_ and nothing would change.”

 

"How can you say that? It changes everything." Loki whispers. He is dangerously close to tears now. He wants to relax into Thor's arms and let him soothe away all the troubles but he can't. He doesn't deserve it. "I was kept as a tool, of no more value than your hammer. I was a relic of war and the son of your enemy. Everything is different now."

 

“ _Nothing is different!_ ” Thor bellows, shaking Loki hard by the shoulders. “It doesn’t matter, Loki, _nothing matters!_ You were raised beside me and I’ve loved you all my life! It doesn’t matter how tortured or tragic or used you are, because every single part of you is _mine!_ ”

 

"You can not claim me as your own Thor. Not after how you have pushed me away and not after I know the truth about myself! I can never be your brother nor your consort again Thor! I can not live that lie!" Loki retorts, pulling away from Thor's grip and turning his back on him.

 

Thor is silent for a very long time as he lets Loki’s words sink in. He sees the brokenness in Loki’s spirit, he can see the guilt and the pain writ across his shoulders.

 

He opens his mouth and speaks very quietly, just loud enough for Loki to hear.

 

“ _Then I will die_.”

 

Loki spins back around to him and slaps him across the face before his feet have even stopped moving. He's shaking with fury and the fear those words engendered in him. That is not what he wants. That was never what he wanted. He wants Thor to live, to be whole and well and happy, and to have what he can not because he _loves_ Thor.  
  
"Fool! You stubborn, pig headed idiot!" he says. "If you ever say that again I will make you regret it, do you understand?"

 

“I refuse to live without you Loki.” Thor says, his cheek stinging from the impact, but he remains steeled. “Whether that means to die by your side, to hide away with you in exile, or to bring you home. I will not let you get away from me. I will never let you go.”

 

"You would give up your life for a demon." Loki says blandly, too lost in disbelief to bother with any sort of inflection. "A demon who you yourself said has probably lost his mind. Why?"

 

“You are not a demon.” Thor snaps firmly, seizing Loki by the shoulders. He allows him the privacy of keeping his back turned, but closes the gap between them and presses his body against Loki’s back. His torn armor is sharp against the curve of the trickster’s spine and his blood is going to get on Loki’s cape, but neither of them really care.

 

He hangs his head, his hair falling and curtaining the two of them away from the horrible place around them.

 

“You are Loki. You are brilliant with magic, you are a terrible cook. You like to pull pranks and you hate it when I distract you from reading. You are pale as the moonlight and dark as the night. You are tricky and cunning, and you love the color green because when we were children I told you it looked good on you. You hate the taste of fish and you love watching me spar. You are Loki, where you were born I do not care, because you have shared your past with me, your history. You are not a demon, you are Loki. You are my Loki.”

 

Loki is silent as Thor's words sink into him, seeming to permeate his skin before seeping down to his core. He doesn't cry or try to move away. Instead he reaches up and holds the thick muscled arms that are tight around his shoulders, borrowing their strength to keep him steady.  
  
"I don't know what I am supposed to do now Thor." he whispers.

 

“You are supposed to follow me so we can find someplace safe to hide until we figure out what to do after that.” Thor says perhaps a little bit too optimistically, and he kisses the side of Loki’s face, right beside his eye, his beard bristly against his skin. “If you will not follow me on your own feet, I will carry you.”

 

Loki sighs but allows himself to be led away from the outcropping. They eventually find a small cave to hide out in for a while. The space could probably fit two men of Loki's size quite comfortably but with Thor it is cramped. Still it is a shelter and it is warm and dry. They have had less enjoyable adventures in the past so Loki does not complain.  
  
"Now what?" he asks, summoning a small ball of light so that they may see each other through the gloom.

 

Thor lies on his back in the space to make it less crowded. The pain in his stomach has grown more intense, and he is pretty sure there is blood soaked all the way down to his knee on that side. He is feeling dizzy and nauseous, and he very much wants to rest.

 

“Now…” he murmurs, trying not to seize up as his wound begins to throb, “Now we wait. Father will have Heimdall looking… he will find us.”

 

"What if he can not? What if even Heimdall can not see us?" Loki asks. He conjures up some water and brings it to Thor's mouth. When the other man has had his fill he lets the water disappear and instead focuses his powers on cleaning the wound in Thor's belly and the makeshift bandages so that it can be rebound.

 

Feeling weak, Thor manages to unclasp his armor and set it aside, lying back down beneath the faint glow of the ball of energy Loki has conjured. The wound is uncomfortably large, as long as Loki’s hand and wide as his wrist. It continues to bleed freely, and Loki thinks he can see some bits of rock still stuck inside the messy folds of torn flesh. Thor’s breathing is shallow, and his eyelids feel heavy, and he wonders briefly if he’s dying.

 

 _No need to be dramatic_ , he tells himself as his eyes begin to close. _You are exhausted, it has been an unbelievably long day_.

 

And then he remembers Loki said something to him. “If he cannot see us,” he murmurs quietly, his mouth feeling dry, “Then we will lie in this cave together until we die. Which, if the Gods are feeling merciful, won’t be a very long time.”

 

"I don't want you to die." Loki says quietly. That's an understatement. The thought of Thor dying, or even worse, watching Thor die, makes him feel physically ill.

 

“I would prefer not to die,” Thor chuckles, but it turns into a thick cough. There’s something caught at the back of his throat, and it makes him gag as his coughing grows rougher. He can feel Loki’s cool hand on the side of his neck, the other pulling strands of his own hair from his face.

 

Warm liquid is pooling down the side of his face now, and he knows what it is, but he pretends he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t want to think about how injured he is.

 

Loki watches the blood and raises his hand to Thor's wound. A moment later the split skin is knitting itself together and the trickster can't help but twinge at the wince the action elicits from his fallen friend.  
  
"I know it hurts." Loki says. "But I do not have the magic to stop the pain. Even healing you is difficult which is why I can not try to heal your wound."

 

Thor’s back arches off the stone floor with a groan, and Loki moves his lap beneath the thunderer’s head. Bright blue eyes open, dulled with pain, and stare dizzily upwards. He cups his hand to Loki’s face and his breathing grows labored.

 

“Loki. I love you.” He murmurs purposefully, his words are thick with the blood in his mouth.

 

A choked sob escapes Loki at those words. He loves Thor. He has for so long and he is desperate to let him know but he can't say it. He can't open himself up and admit that weakness. That would be like revealing a break in his armor.  
  
But Thor is hurt, could be dying, and this could be his last chance.  
  
"I need you." He says instead and somehow that seems worse.

 

Thor closes his eyes and his hand falls. Loki panics, but then he can hear the ragged, shallow sounds of Thor’s breathing.

 

They’re trapped here, in this wasteland. Perhaps until death, like Thor said. It’s a frightening thought, starving to death in a place where no one is around to mourn them. He grimly wonders who will die first that way. Thor is wounded and weakened already, but Loki has much less body to sustain himself through starvation.

 

What a horrible thing to think about.

 

It would have been so much better, he thinks, to have been killed by the fall. To enter the void and be ripped apart by the oblivion beyond. For them to have died together, though that had not been his intention, would have been far preferable to this.  
  
At the same time there is nothing he would not give to save him now.

 

He falls asleep against the cave wall after a long while staring at the Thunderer’s sleeping face. His sleep is broken by horrible nightmares, visions of Thor’s wound opening and consuming him, images of being unable to save him from death, bleeding out, falling off the edge into the swirling black lava, horrible images.

 

He wakes with a start, and there is a weight absent from his lap. He panics, Thor’s cape and armor are still there beside him in the small cave, but the Thunder God is gone.

 

Loki shoots up and scrambles out of the cave. He searches outside, looking for any sign of Thor but there is none. No trail, no tracks, no spots of blood. There is nothing. Panic settles in as he starts to climb the rocky hills, shouting the other man's name as loudly as he can.

 

Horror is filling him as his mind races through the possibilities. Was Thor never there, was it just a projection of his subconscious? But then why was his armor still in the cave? Was Thor _taken_ by something? Who or what would come by and take an injured man? Especially so quietly that it didn’t wake Loki!

 

He was in no state to simply _get up_ and leave, he –

 

Loki’s mind stopped reeling and he cut his palm on a sharp rock. Hissing as he slid a few inches down the steep slope he was climbing, his body went rigid and icy with fear.

 

Thor was a proud, proud man. The only reason he would have left would be… Loki shakes his head, tears budding fresh in his eyes and making them hot.

 

_What if Thor slipped off to die alone?_

"THOR!" Loki shouts again, louder now. His throat protests the abuse and his ankle throbs painfully as he starts to run, his sharp eyes still scanning the area for any sign of the Asgardian.  
  
_No, no, no._ he thinks as he runs. _You said you didn't want me to die alone. You said you wanted us to be together. It can't have been another lie, not now, not this time._

His legs give out beneath him and he crumples to the ground, shaking with his fear and his sobs. He holds himself tightly and rocks, as if it will ease the pain and fright stabbing icicles through his body.

 

Thor is gone, and so suddenly, and Loki can’t find him. He’s all alone now, tormented in this dreadful place. Suddenly throwing himself off the cliff into the black swirling lava below seems so inviting.

 

Instead he pulls himself up and trudges back to the cave. He'll throw himself into the lava later. Right now he plans on saying his goodbyes to Thor and giving him a warriors send off. There might not be a body but he still has Thor's armor. It'll be symbolic but it'll be some kind of send off.  
  
Damn Thor and his injuries, damn him and his pride.  
  
He reaches the cave and peers inside, amazed at how cold and empty it feels now compared to the comfortable warmth of the previous night. It is while he is looking that he notices what he must have missed when he realized Thor was missing. The floor is different. The plain stone floor is now emblazoned with the familiar patterns that come from an opening of the Bifrost.  
  
But that isn't possible. Thor destroyed the Bifrost. Odin would have had to summon massive amounts of energy to bring him back. More than enough to have taken them both. But he didn't, he chose Thor. He took him away and left Loki to rot, alone and cold on a barren plain.  
  
_He will regret this,_ Loki swears to himself. _Odin will regret leaving me alone in the dark like this. No matter what it takes, I will make him rue this day._

 

 

=====

 

 

 

Thor opens his eyes wearily, a strange softness enveloping his body. There is a golden flickering above him and it takes him a moment to hear the crackling of a fire. He groggily turns his head to the side and sees an expanse of white cloth.

 

Wearily he pushes himself upright on one elbow, his other hand cupping his wounded side. He’s back in his room, in his bed.

 

Heimdall found them!

 

He pushes himself excitedly the rest of the way into a sitting position, ignoring the ache in his side, and throws his covers aside to go find Loki, or maybe his father, whichever he runs into first.

 

"My son," Odin says, walking into the room just as Thor swings his legs over the side of the bed. "You should rest. Your wounds need time to heal. There is nothing that calls for your attention now."

 

Thor relaxes a small amount, but remains sitting at the side of the bed.

 

“I knew you would find us,” he says with a smile. “I was afraid we were in a place Heimdall could not see. Is Loki alright? His foot is hurt.”

 

Odin's smile slips and he looks away, like he can't meet Thor's eyes.  
  
"We could not bring Loki back as well. I could only summon enough power to save you." he says quietly.

 

Thor feels like his world fell away, and he’s left floating queasily in midair. His stomach dropped and his smile slipped.

 

“You…”

 

_This isn’t right._

“No, that…”

 

_This is what I sought to prevent._

“You can get him though, you can!”

 

_I won’t allow this to happen again._

"I can not." Odin says and he sounds truly regretful. "It will take many days to summon that energy again. And at this time I have much work to do repairing all that Loki has destroyed."

 

“ _NO!_ ”

 

Thor his on his feet now, and he charges Odin like a wild beast, pain in his side be damned. Anger and fright twisting his face, he grabs his father by his robe to shake him.

 

“I do not believe you! After what I have learned, it is just as likely that you intend to leave him there because you believe it is a suitable punishment. You will call upon every magical being in this city and you _will retrieve him_ , now!” he bellows, as if he’s King already and making commands.

 

"SILENCE!" Odin bellows, wrenching his robes away from his son. His strength is far greater than Thor is used to because of his weakened state and it sends the younger god tumbling to the ground. "Do not think I do this happily Thor! I mourn the loss of my son as you mourn your brother! But Loki has made his choice and he shall suffer until I have the power to retrieve him!"

 

“He will not suffer, father, he will _die!_ ” Thor stands. “He will be taken by forces we know not how to control, and he will be lied to and _twisted_ into something unrecognizable. You condemn him to a short life of bad decisions and deep hatred if you leave him!”

 

"You must not let your fears control you Thor! We do not know what will happen to Loki. He is safe for now, on an uninhabited world. You must think clearly. You will be king someday and you can not allow your emotions to have this much control. Think of your people Thor, they must come first." Odin chastises, looking down on his son with something akin to sorrow.

 

“I know exactly what will happen to him, father, this is not assumption it is _fact!_ ” Thor says, and he’s been trying to avoid this, but there’s no way he can keep it from his father now. “I have seen the future, and it is a dark one in which Loki believes he is not loved, and he attempts to take the Earth as remuneration for the ill hand that has been dealt him. I will not allow you to strand him for Gods only know how long.”

 

"You speak nonsense." Odin replies, looking worried. Perhaps Thor's head injury is more severe than they had realized. He truly seems to have lost his mind. "Return to bed and I shall fetch a healer for you."

 

Giving a roar of rage, Thor seizes Odin firmly by the arm and keeps him from leaving, very nearly throwing him against the wall in his rage.

 

“ _YOU WILL LISTEN!_ ” he bellows, and something almost like fear crosses Odin’s face. “I have _seen!_ You will listen to what I have to say!”

 

 

 

 

====

 

 

 

 

Paralyzing fear is clawing Thor from the inside out as he paces the length of the hall directly outside the dungeon. Loki is ensconced within, under the watch of several guards.

 

He knows Loki is afraid. His mouth was covered during the trial, and his brow was straight, but Thor could see the flicker of fright in his eyes when his fate was decided by the council.

 

_Loki Laufeyson will be put to death when the sun rises for his crimes against Asgard and the planet Earth._

Thor tried to protest, he knew he had cried, but it was such a blur he barely remembered a moment. All he knows is his feet brought him here, and now he’s waiting for the proper moment.

 

This is wrong, this is so wrong. The guard closest to him is silenced with a crack to the back of his head, and Thor catches his body to keep it from clattering noisily to the ground. He moves his way through the dungeon, knocking the guards out on his way. With every man he renders unconscious, his chest burns hotter with shame and anger and guilt.

 

This is _so wrong_.

 

Silver eyes snap upwards, brimming with unwilling, unshed tears. Still muzzled, still cuffed, looking completely wrecked with fear and resentment, Loki stared up at the golden image of his lover.

 

“ _Loki_ ,” Thor whispers, his chest heaving and his legs trembling beneath him. Thor is terrified, he’s hurting. Seeing Loki like this doesn’t make it any easier.

 

Once upon a time the sound of his name coming from Thor's lips when they were finally alone would have been the highlight of Loki's day. Now it makes him shudder. He does not want Thor here. He does not want him to see the pain and fear he feels nor does he wish to see Thor's. He has hurt Thor terribly and he regrets it now. He wishes there was something he could do to take it all back.  
  
There is nothing. He looks at Thor with unspoken pleas in his eyes though he knows nothing can be done.

 

Thor steps forward, seizes the bars, and with a mighty tear, bends them apart. His arms bulge under the effort, and his brow breaks out in a sweat, but they are bent far enough that he can slip through.

 

Falling to his knees beside his brother, his lover, he snatches him up into his arms so fast that Loki can’t breathe. Arms still cuffed behind his back, body cold and rigid, he is pulled into Thor’s warm, perfect embrace.

 

“ _I am so sorry,_ ” Thor whispers, his voice broken by a sob.

 

Loki can not respond, not even with an answering embrace. He wishes he could. He wishes he could throw his arms around Thor and hold him until the dawn comes and beg for forgiveness but he can not. He settles for simply laying his head on Thor's broad shoulder and soaking up as much of that warmth as he can.

 

Releasing his beloved after a moment, Thor reaches behind him and with a brutish pull, breaks the chain between the cuffs. He is powerless to remove the cuffs themselves, they are too thick, but he allows Loki the freedom to hold onto him for a few beautiful moments.

 

This is perfect, this is what they need. When the dawn comes, Loki will be killed, and until then, all they can do is hold each other and hope they will imprint the way they feel on the other’s body.

 

Thor is met with resistance when he tries to remove Loki’s muzzle, but after a soothing pet to his hair, he slides the metal away from his lover’s face.

 

Shock wasn’t a strong enough word for how Thor felt in that moment. He stares in horror, the metal strip clanging noisily to the stone floor.

 

Loki’s lips have been sewn shut. Red and raw and bleeding, thick black twine sealed his lips together. Rage wells up in Thor’s body, and in its desperation to find a way out of his body, tears begin to roll down his face and disappear into the thicket of his beard.

 

“Be still,” he whispers, and takes a small knife he brought with him, in case things escalated with the guards. He hadn’t been sure if he could actually wound any of them, he knows them by name, but he is thankful now he had the foresight to bring it.

 

Cupping the back of Loki’s head, Thor cuts with careful precision, severing each black cord and gently pulling the pieces from Loki’s lips.

 

Loki gasps as the last string is pulled painfully from his flesh and immediately he is assaulted by the taste of his own blood. He chokes and sputters and spits what he can onto the floor but the taste will not leave him.  
  
He turns from Thor to hide his shame as tears start to roll down his cheeks. He is a proud man and he did not want Thor to see him so broken. He would almost have preferred he not come at all but he is selfishly grateful for the last warm embrace.  
  
"I did not want you to see that." he says finally when he feels he can speak. His throat is raw from dehydration and the words come out painfully mangled.

 

Thor cups the side of Loki’s face, turning his face to look him in the eyes.

 

“This is not right,” he says, his voice hoarse and his lip trembling. “I will take you from here, sneak you, hide you, I will keep you safe. Come with me, I will take you where you will not be found.” He tugs on Loki’s hands, but the trickster does not move. “ _Loki, please_ ,” he whispers, begs, “ _I can’t watch you die._ ”

 

"We can't." Loki whispers. "They'll know it was you Thor. No one else would have freed me. You'll lose everything and I will be no better off than I am now. A life in hiding might be worth it if I could have you but that is impossible."

 

“I will leave with you then.” Thor says, and he almost means it. Would it be worth it? An impossible decision. Loki, or his kingdom. One man should not make that decision so difficult. “I will stay by your side. We will find a place beyond where eyes can see, and we will hide together.”

 

"There is no where we can go where we will not be found unless I shield us from Heimdall's sight. Such a spell is taxing and I would not be able to keep it up for long, not for both of us." Loki says. It makes his so happy to know that Thor would be willing to go this far for him but at the same time he feels like he would rather die now than continue to think of what will never be. "Besides, you have a duty to Asgard and its people."

 

“My duty is to you first!” Thor says, perhaps a little too loudly. “It was always to you first. You are my everything, Loki, and I will _not_ see you executed. I will find a way, blind Heimdall if I must, I will _shelter_ you.” He holds Loki by the arms now, almost manic in his desperation. “ _I will shelter you,_ ” he repeats in a whisper, his hands rising to hold the back of Loki’s neck.

 

"It cannot be. Tomorrow I die. Nothing can change that." Loki repeats, holding Thor as well. But his grip is lax. The words are tumbling through his head. Nothing can change that. Perhaps that is not totally true.  
  
He draws back, holding Thor away from him while he thinks.  
  
"Nothing can change it now. But perhaps if things had gone differently..."

 

“All of this is my fault,” Thor groans weakly, leaning against the wall and shaking with guilt and rage. “If I had never been a fool and ran into Jotunheim…” he covers his face with his hands.

 

"I brought the Jotuns here in the first place." Loki admits. "If I had not been so jealous of you none of this would have happened. If we wish to place the blame even farther back then why not blame Odin for never telling us the truth of what I was? Or even farther, and blame him for taking me at all. Had he not done so then we certainly would not be here right now. But no one can change the past." he stops for a minute and begins to pace. "At least, no one is supposed to be able to change the past."

 

Thor removes his hands from his face after Loki is silent for several moments, and he watches him pace.

 

“I know that face,” he says, more calmly than he feels. “That’s your scheming face.”

 

Loki laughs and winces as the torn skin around his lips pulls painfully. "It is similar to yours. But yes, I am scheming. I know of a spell that might help us but it is highly illegal."

 

“A spell?” Thor asks, already feeling uncomfortable. Magic has always been so foreign and frightening to him. He has always preferred the physicality of fighting hand-to-hand, or more recently, hand-to-hammer. He tried magic once, when Loki was just learning himself. While Loki had managed to make the ribbon float through the air like it was in water, Thor’s ribbon had burst into flame and nearly wrapped around him. Since then, he stayed far away from it, very far away.

 

"There is no possibility of this working if you are frightened." Loki says, almost diplomatically. "If you do not want to try then forget I said anything. I will need you to be strong for this because I won't be able to help you once the spell is complete."

 

“If it will change what has happened, if it will repair the damage and make us whole again… I will do anything. If I am willing to break down the doors to Hel and retrieve you in the case I cannot save you, then I suppose no spell is too daunting.” Thor says, pushing off the wall and standing as tall as he can.

 

"I could, in a sense, send you into the past." Loki begins. "The spell is complicated. Your body would remain here and it would die but if all goes well that won't be a problem. What I would do would be to send your soul back to take residence in your body in the past. From there you would be free to influence the events so that the outcome changed. But the spell has been banned because it also kills the caster."  
  
He looks over at Thor and sees the stricken look on his face and hurries on. "My soul would have to go back with you as a guide but I couldn't enter my past body. My soul would dissipate but the soul residing in my past self would live on. So I would not really be dead."

 

“But you… the _you_ that stands before me… ceases to exist,” Thor murmurs, trying to understand. His heart aches at the thought.

 

Loki nods. "But you will have the me from before. The one who never killed, who was never so broken. You could have that me instead."

 

Thor almost begins to cry again.

 

“Are you certain this will succeed? I will return to my body in the past… and I will be able to stop this? What will convince you, tell me what you wanted to hear back then.”

 

"I wanted..." Loki looks away, suddenly ashamed. What he wanted most back then was the one thing he had ensured he would never have, through his actions. Thinking back on it now he can not help hating himself for what he has done that has made his goal so far out of his reach.  
  
"I wanted to be your equal. For you to love me as your equal, not your inferior." he says quietly. "I wanted that place in your life."

 

“You always had it,” Thor shook his head sorrowfully. “I was just never very good at showing it. I will not make that mistake twice.”

 

He closes the gap between himself and Loki, holding him by the face, and looks into his eyes. He sees pain and fear and anger and hurt all reflected back at him in those milky blue depths.

 

“And what will happen to us here, when morning comes and the guards find our dead bodies lying side by side?” he whispers, running his thumbs over Loki’s cheekbones.

 

"I do not know. If all goes according to plan and you change the past that morning will never come. Tomorrow will find us both waking in our respective beds as we did years ago." Loki replies. Then his expression turns wary. "Though a powerful sorcerer might be able to bring you back before your work is complete. If they suspect we have used the spell I have no doubt Odin will find someone to bring you back. Do you have a flask on you?"

 

“A flask?” Thor asks, but he removes one from the folds of his trousers that he always carries with him. “Is this a part of the spell?” he hands it to Loki.

 

"No." Loki says. He opens the flask and waves his hand over small amount of liquid within. The red wine instantly turns clear and he hands the flask back to Thor.  
  
"It's poison," he warns. "If they find our bodies they will think we killed ourselves. Can you accept that?"

 

Thor takes the flask with a firm nod. He is frightened, but he knows as soon as he sees Loki in the past, his fears will gradually vanish.

 

“And… what happens if you fail? If the spell is not a success?” he asks the one question they both were too afraid to say aloud.

 

"I do not know. I have never tried it and there are no accounts of people who failed." Loki admits sadly. "I will assume we will both be lost. Our souls will disappear together or perhaps float through all of time with an anchor." He looks defiantly at Thor. "I would prefer that fate to dying alone at dawn."

 

Thor nods and takes Loki’s hands.

 

“Then I am ready. We will know nothing unless we try. I will return to you in the past, and I will take you and never let you go.” Thor murmurs, staring purposefully into Loki’s eyes.

 

Loki frees one of his hands and lays it gently against Thor's cheek. He looks deep into the other man's eyes and then leans in to press a quick kiss to his lips, ignoring the pain and the taste of his blood.  
  
"We will not be able to speak once we have left our bodies." he says when he pulls back. "You must hold my hand, and you cannot let go. I can only take you back as far as I am able, and no farther. Where we end up is what we get. We will see each other’s spirits, but we will not have voices. So before we go, because I will not get the chance again, I want to tell you that I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you."

 

“I will not push you to be the man you have become today,” Thor says, knocking his forehead to Loki’s and holding there, closing his eyes and breathing in his scent. “I will not let this happen to us.”

 

"I love you." Loki says so quietly it is barely even a whisper. "I will not exist after tonight but I want you to know that even as I am now, broken and wronged and possibly insane, I love you."

 

There are no more words to be spoken, and the two of them lie down on the cell floor beside one another, in such a way that if they are found, it cannot possibly look like an accident. Hand in hand, the flask lying between them.

 

Loki murmurs the ancient, forbidden words, and Thor feels weightless. It’s a moment later he realizes he’s lifting up out of his body, his spirit linked to Loki’s by his hand. They don’t look like what he thought souls would. They have feet on the ground, they aren’t transparent, it looks like they’re just standing above their own lifeless bodies.

 

The sight of them lying there like that, heads turned to face one another, eyes closed and fingers clasped brings tears to Thor’s eyes. He is at peace. If this spell fails, he will have died beside Loki, holding him as he always wanted to.

 

And then things are moving in reverse. He watches their bodies stand, watches their altercation in reverse, watches the stitches in Loki’s mouth weave back together, and he watches himself replace the muzzle, the cuffs and the bars.

 

He looks over at Loki, who gives him a small, reassuring smile. Their feet lift off the ground and they follow Thor’s form out of the dungeon, as he picks up every guard off the floor.

 

They watch him pace, watch him return to the trial earlier that day, where Loki is cuffed to a table. Where he was sentenced to death.

 

They follow Thor as he returns to Earth with Loki and the tesseract. It’s dizzying, watching their lives in reverse. They follow Thor through the battle, and he can feel Loki’s hand squeeze his tightly as they watch their fight on the rooftop of Stark Tower, when Loki plunged his knife into Thor’s belly.

 

And then they’re going back to Asgard, and Loki watches Thor’s days of absolute misery while he thought his beloved brother was dead. He watched as Thor wandered the halls listlessly, the vibrancy gone out of his eyes, Mjolnir almost never in his hand. He watched silent tears run down Loki’s face as he witnessed Thor crying himself to sleep.

 

Back and back and back they go, until Loki can feel his grip on Thor’s hand slipping. Thor can feel it too, because he looks at Loki with scared eyes.

 

They’re coming to the end of this journey, and oh Gods Thor is so scared. He doesn’t want to let go, he doesn’t want to lose Loki.

 

They’re holding on by their fingers now, and Loki and Thor are hanging off the bridge. They can go no further.

 

They look at one another with fear and regret in their eyes, and they share one last kiss before Loki releases Thor’s hand. He slips downward, his eyes cast up, and he watches as Loki’s spirit slowly swirls into nothingness.

 

He feels heavy again, he’s back in his body. And Loki just let go of the staff.

 

“ _NO!_ ”

 

 

 

====

 

 

 

Odin stares solemnly at the wall, not meeting his son's gaze. He can hardly believe the story he has just heard. It seems impossible yet he can imagine it. Loki would do whatever he could to save himself and no doubt Thor's love for his brother would make him more than happy to try to erase Loki's crimes. Crimes that have not have not yet been committed.  
  
"You wish me to save a man who will otherwise attempt to enslave humanity, cause the destruction of an entire race and then suggest an illegal spell so that he will no longer be guilty?" he asks mildly.

 

“I want you to stop that from happening.” Thor says, “It will only happen if you let it. People will die, good innocent people, on Earth, who do not need to die. Loki is tortured, and you are the biggest reason this is so, myself as the second. We can stop the destruction and the devastation from reaching Midgard. We can save Loki from himself.”

 

"And what shall we do when he is home?" Odin asks. "Loki has committed a crime already. Not one that warrants an execution but now that you have told me what he is capable of I shall have to work harder to keep him in line and he will still need to be punished for what he has done."

 

“You will not have to work harder to keep him in line,” Thor says, “If you do that you threaten everything the two of us have struggled to accomplish here. He needs your love, not your discipline, even if you do not feel it. I know you are a King, and you have to make difficult decisions, but imagine this from Loki’s point of view! You are all seeing, are you not? Then truly you must now how you have _hurt_ him over the years!”

 

"Do not insinuate that I do not love Loki. He is as much my son as you are." Odin snaps. "I have been wary over the years. I did not know how to raise him as your equal while trying to ensure that his true heritage remain hidden. I know I have hurt him and I regret it but I am king. I must put Asgard first."

 

“I don’t have to.” Thor says sternly. “Not yet. I will not rest, I will not stop, I will never take a _breath_ until you bring Loki back here. I will never stop pestering you, even if you threaten to take out my voice or lock me in the dungeon, _I will_ _not stop_.”

 

Odin looks at him for a long time, not saying anything. He can see fire in Thor, the strong defiance he saw when they returned from Jotunheim though it seems a hundred times stronger now. Finally he nods.  
  
"I know you will. I shall talk to Heimdall and we will have Loki home as soon as possible." he says dryly. "Until then you will return to bed."

 

“Not yet,” Thor shakes his head. “It does not take much to send a message. Have a sorcerer open a looker’s portal, allow me to speak with Loki. Once I do, I will return to bed.”

 

Odin sighs but agrees and calls for a sorcerer. The man comes and eventually manages to open the looker's portal, made trickier by the distance and the odd connection between the realms.  
  
On the barren planet Loki sits in what appears to be deep thought, his eyes distant as though he is looking at something entirely different than the empty expanses of rock and lava before him.

 

Directly before him, a silver disc begins to shimmer and spin, and he jumps in surprise. He knows this magic, he has used it himself in the past. This is…

 

The image of Thor swirls into focus. His head is wrapped in a bandage and he is wearing clean night robes, and the way his face melts into relief as soon as he lays eyes on the trickster makes Loki want to cry.

 

"You really are on Asgard then." Loki says, his tone clipped to hide his relief at seeing Thor. He had thought himself abandoned. Seeing him now is a relief because it means he will not be truly alone, even if he cannot return home.

 

“I am sorry for leaving you so suddenly; Father stole me away while we were both resting.” Says, and casts his eyes to the side so Loki knows for certain that Odin is in the room, and he should watch what he says. “But you will be brought home very soon, I have made certain of it. I will not let you stay in that dreadful place.”

 

"The All Father will allow the rogue frost giant back into his kingdom?" he sneers and it is purely for Odin's benefit. His hatred of the man has grown over the hours and he expects it will not cease even with his return home. "And what is to be my punishment when I return?"

 

“We haven’t discussed it yet.” Thor says, looking back over at his father. “You will have a fair trial once you are back and safe. It will not be too severe, I imagine, after all, all you have done is kill the king of our most hated enemy. You may have made a poor choice in where you decided to do away with him, but surely the crime itself is not so potent.”

 

Loki breathes a sigh of relief. He had feared that Odin would be more cruel to him now that Loki knew the truth of his birth and his place in Asgard.  
  
"When will I be coming home?" he asks, allowing himself to sound a little bit hopeful.

 

“I cannot answer that.” Thor looks over at his father again. “How soon, Father?”

 

"Tomorrow perhaps." Odin says gruffly. He steps in front of the small portal to address Loki directly. "You should wait at the cave where we found Thor. There may be some residual energy that we can use to bring you back."

 

Thor fights the urge to roll his eyes at the way the two of them address each other, bickering like school children.

 

“I will make certain he does not forget to retrieve you,” Thor says as Odin backs away. “I will have you home, Loki, you have my word. I will have you home.”

 

Loki nods and the portal closes. Once the sorcerer has left the room Odin ushers Thor back into bed and calls for a healer to check his condition.  
  
"I will speak with Heimdall after my council meeting." Odin promises. "You have my word my son."

 

Thor wants to be able to trust Odin’s word, but after all that he has experienced, he knows he will not be at ease until he has Loki back on Asgard, back in his arms.

 

He answers the few questions the healer asks on auto-pilot, staring wistfully ahead. He lies down once she is gone, and he is lost in his thoughts.

 

He imagines all of the lives that are spared by Loki’s decision to bring him back here. The denizens of New York City, Coulson, the SHIELD agents that were killed when the base collapsed, and countless others.

 

But at the same time, he can’t help but feel somewhat guilty. He is keeping the people apart who came together to form such a grand team. He is almost single-handedly responsible for preventing Bruce and Tony from becoming “bros” as they called it. He is stopping Steve from re-entering society. He is keeping the team apart, they will never even meet him at this rate.

 

His heart aches at the thought, and maybe one day he’ll take a trip to Midgard for the sole purpose of meeting those people. Perhaps he will be able to bring them together.

 

The pros of his and Loki’s decisions far outweigh the cons, the lives that are spared are worth it. And Loki will be spared the wrath of the Chitauri’s leader. He will not make the horrible decisions that led to his being put to death.

 

All will be well.

 

He can’t help but remember the image of Loki swirling away into nothingness, and he wonders where that version of Loki is now. If he exists somewhere still in limbo, or even worse, if he’s stuck in a state of never having existed. Thor can’t even imagine how horrible that would be. He is the only one who will ever, _ever_ remember Loki as he was then. He is now and forever the only one who knew him.

 

He knows he isn’t going to sleep well tonight.

 

But Loki is alive, and he is coming home. He is returning to Asgard, and he is going to be punished mildly, but he will be normal. Things will return as they were, but this time Thor will make every possible effort in the world to include Loki, to make him feel as though they are equals.

 

He is going to fix Loki. Fix everything that Odin broke, everything that Thor broke, and everything that Loki broke himself.

 

And he will be whole again.

 

And he will be Thor’s.


End file.
